How to Behave at a Play Party

Common courtesy, Social graces, Socially acceptable behavior.
These are all terms used in a civilized society where humans interact with one another. The BDSM community has, over time, developed social mores or acceptable behaviors that its members follow in public situations, and it behooves us to be mindful of the social rules in the area in which we live and play. While Scene Etiquette does vary from place to place, the common thread remains “Be polite.”

With the above in mind, the following is what is considered Normal Scene Etiquette for most BDSM events.


Ask before touching

Do not touch another person’s body, clothing or equipment without their specific permission.(NOTE: there is a reason why this is Rule #1.)


Everybody here is an equal and entitled to courteous treatment

A person is permitted to act dominant or submissive toward you only after you have agreed to that.

An offer to play is not an insult. If you decline an offer to play, please do so as politely as possible.


Respect the privacy of scenes in progress

Watch from a non-intrusive distance.

Do not interrupt a scene in progress for routine questions or conversation.

Join a scene in progress ONLY if expressly invited to do so by the top or dominant.

Do not make negative comments about a scene in such a way that the players can hear.

If you have safety questions or other concerns about a scene in progress, please communicate them immediately to the Dungeon Monitor (DM) or the Social Director.


Keep social conversation in the Social Areas

Please hold ordinary conversations in the Social Areas.

Conversation and laughter are inappropriate in scene areas while scenes are in progress.

Please do not sit on or near play equipment unless you are using it or about to use it.


Play in the Play Stations

For the comfort of all, and with the exception of those activities deemed to be social in
nature (i.e.: protocols, mental domination, service/task oriented scenes), all play should be kept to the designated Play Stations.


Respect people’s privacy

Some guests must remain deeply “in the closet” about where they live, their real names, their profession, what company they work for, and so forth. Please refrain from asking direct questions about these areas. It is fine if they volunteer information, but don’t probe.

Disclosing another person’s name, address, phone number or other personal information without their specific consent is extremely serious misconduct. Don’t do it, and don’t ask others to do it.


No means no

If your second offer to play with a particular person is declined, please don’t make a third offer at that particular event.

If someone says to you, “Please leave me alone,” that is considered a “Social safe word.” Do not initiate further conversation or hover near them for the rest of the event.

Do not assume that single means “available.”


No violence, threats or challenges

Starting a fight, over-reacting to provocation, threatening another person in any way, or
challenging them to fight either at the event or “outside” is extremely serious misconduct and will result in immediate ejection from the event.

Help us keep a low profile.

Please avoid blood-curdling screams, high pitched shrieks and other sounds that might alarm people outside the party.

Appropriate outer clothing must be worn in any area open to, or in view of the General Public.


You are responsible for your guests

All guests must have passed their 18th birthday.

If you choose to bring guests, please ensure that your guests know what kind of a party they are being invited to, what the rules are, how they should behave, and that they can emotionally handle what they might see.

If your guests behave in an unacceptable manner, you will be held accountable.


Party Dress code

There is no special dress code, per se. Fetish wear is certainly “admired, but not required.”

Please arrive at the party door wearing relatively normal outer clothing.


Willful and ongoing disrespect of other members may be grounds for expulsion